My wife and I recently became first-time parents. Below were our labor experience and some lessons we took along the way. I hope these may be useful to someone out there.

Our labor experience

One day last June, as I was still groggy after a good night sleep, my wife came to the room and showed me something that looked like a small plastic stick. At first, I didn’t understand. What was it that she was trying to tell me while looking subtly happy? Then, it dawned on me: holy moly, I am becoming a dad.

The next few months were a blur as we occupied ourselves with preparing for the baby and going to doctor appointments. We also needed to find a new apartment and a daycare that was good while close and affordable enough. For good measure, we had to take care of our feline son, Kimi, who was diagnosed with cancer and passed away last December.

Eventually, the 40th week was here, but we had a problem. My wife showed no dilation and no signs that she was going to labor soon. Even though it is not uncommon among first-time mothers and our OB said there was no concern with my wife and child, he asked us to go to the hospital on the night of 2/9/2025 for the induction.

We had a good meal filled with vegetables and protein, showered, took our bags that had been prepared in advance, kissed our cat and left for the hospital. We were nervous as hell. We didn’t know how long we would be in the hospital. Nor did we know what would happen. Countless women gave birth before, but there are always risks involved. On the drive to the hospital, I kept secretly hoping for the best outcome. That my wife and child would be well and healthy coming home with me. That we’d be among those lucky people blessed with health. Everything else was secondary.

After an hour of administrative stuff and initial checks, they started to induce my wife with cytotec into her vagina. The nurses frequently checked on her and the baby to make sure his heart rate stayed between 110 and 150. Three hours later, the resident doctor came in and checked the cervix. 1cm dilation. But they couldn’t give my wife more drugs as she was contracting too frequently. We would have to check again around 7am the following morning. In the meantime, they gave her some fluid through an IV to slow down the contraction.

Long hours passed. My wife’s dilation stayed at 1cm, but her cervix was effaced in to some extent. At least some progress. The contraction was slow enough that they decided to give her pitocin. Fortunately, prior to the administration of pitocin, she was allowed some breakfast. Women during labor in the US are typically not allowed to eat anything, but clear fluid such as apple juice, popcicles or jelly. The rule sounds weird, but they explained to me that solid food could lead to unexpected danger during an emergency operation. Hence, women going into labor, whether it’s C-section or natural delivery, are not allowed solid food.

Afterwards, the pain started to intensify. My wife considered epidural, but we decided that we would put it off till we reached 3-4cm. Epidural would immobilize my wife. Therefore, if the baby was not in the right position, it would make the delivery difficult. To facilitate the dilation, my wife paced back and forth in the room. As time went by, she grimaced more as the pain sharpened.

Finally, around 24 hours after we checked into the hospital, she got to 3cm dilation. It was time for epidural. Our OB broke her water. Then, the craziness began. My wife got to 8cm in 30′. It was a surprise to everyone, including the baby, and he didn’t like it. His heart rate dropped below the accepted range twice in the next 6 hours. Each time, the nurse had to turn my wife over or put her on all four to calm the baby down. He didn’t like hanges that sudden. But turning a pregnant woman with IVs all over her was not easy. I felt sorry for my wife to be tossed around butt-naked like that.

Then at 2am on 2/11/2025, the baby’s heart beat dropped again. This time, they couldn’t bring it back up for 6′. Suddenly, I saw nurses and doctors rush in. They wanted to do an emergency C-section to make sure the baby was ok. I stood there worried sick and invisible as the panic unfolded. One nurse put my wife on all four again. They already started to wheel her out of the operation room. Suddenly, the heart beat went back up. Everyone stopped. We watched for a couple of minutes as the line hovered around 120-130. They decided not to do an emergency C-section and instead contacted the OB to see what he wanted to do.

We were scared. To the bone. Both cried. We were so afraid that something would happen to the baby. Myself, I was also concerned about my wife. But there was nothing I could do. That kind of desperation and powerlessness was so difficult to take.

Half an hour later, the OB came. He said that it was no longer safe to continue the induction. There was no progress and the baby didn’t like pitocin. C-Section it is. Around 3:30am, we got to the operation room. I was asked to sit in a corner so that they could set up everything undisturbed. About 20′ later, we heard the cry of our baby for the first time. He looked so purple out of his mom’s womb. My wife was still in good spirit and so eager to meet him. It took the doctors 30′ to stitch her up. While they were doing so, I joined the nurses in cutting the umbilical cord and brought him to his mom. Thankfully, both were safe and sound.

We stayed at the hospital for 2.5 days. The boy lost 6% of his weight; which is expected and less than the 10% threshold which would necessitate supplement. He got a bath and circumcised. Both mom and baby were well enough that we decided to head home. We would struggle anyway, so may as well enjoy the comfort of our bed and our own home.

Lessons

• One thing that our OB kept reiterating to us was: “Pregnancy is just a phase of your life. It’s not a disease. Don’t treat it like one.” As first-time parents, we were so nervous about everything. Our parents are old-schooled and traditional Vietnamese with a lot of advice to offer on this matter. Hence, it was really helpful to hear that from our OB.
• Some people said moms needed to eat for two people during pregnancy. We didn’t have to do it. My wife did have a bit more calorie per day than usual, but we kept our diet in moderation and our baby had a good weight at birth.
• If possible, moms should lose weight prior to conception. My wife failed the one-hour glucose test and had to take the awful three-hour challenge. It was not a nice experience. A friend of mine’s wife failed both tests and had to see a high-risk specialist, in addition to their OB. It was inconvenient, expensive and nerve-wrecking for them who were also first-time parents.
• Stay physically active. Our OB said that my wife should maintain her pre-pregnancy level of exercises. I had several Strength and HIIT workouts with Coach Kim Ngo of Apple Fitness+ while she was 7-8 months pregnant. But do talk to your OB.
• Every pregnancy and delivery is unique. We got a lot of advice from family, friends and online. Still, we could only know what it was like by experiencing it ourselves. So prepare while you can and draw boundaries in terms of advice. Do what you think is best for yourself and your family.
• A few helpful sources: What to Expect When You’re Expecting, Taking Cara Babies, Crib Sheet
• If your baby is scheduled to arrive in the winter and you’ll know the roads can be treacherous, choose an OB and a delivery hospital close to home. Our first OB was 30 mins of drive away from our place. Knowing that we would make weekly or even twice-a-week visits, we switched to someone only 10 mins away. It helped a lot.
• Do a trial run from home to the delivery center. Scout the area for food that your wife would like if she is allowed some breakfast.