When a disappointing and hurting situation occurs, we tend to tell others or ourselves: let it go, you deserve better. It is as if we were better than what we missed, what we craved for but couldn’t get. It is as if we were fortunate to be left behind or miss out.
That dumbfounds me.
“Deserving” never truly means anything. When was the last time it actually meant anything? “Deserving” teams in sports lost out all the time. Good people were stuck in a crossfire or dead because they were unfortunately at the wrong place at the wrong time. Did they deserve to live? Yes, but did they?
Did a lot of qualified people with proven track record and personalities deserve a high position in an organization? Yes, but they had to leave it for others because of corruption and other reasons than qualifications.
Did one person deserve a better boy/girlfriend? Maybe, maybe not, but who is to judge that?
Every success requires a certain level of luck. Unfortunately, there is no book or no one who can tell how much luck is given to someone at a certain time. It just happens. Hence, what would justify “you deserve it”?
To hypnotize ourselves in thinking that we are better than what we actually are doesn’t help anything. If we lost something/someone, it just means we lost that something or that someone. No more, no less. It doesn’t mean whatever we long for doesn’t deserve us or we don’t deserve it. There is absolutely no need to psycho-analyze it.
Being delusional about our worth strips us of a chance to evaluate our shortcomings. Hurt and disappointed by not getting what we think we deserve, we won’t grow. Automatically, the mind keeps going back to beautiful memory in the past so that we can feel good in a moment or wandering to the future that doesn’t exist.
Being aware of such shortcomings is great, but beating ourselves down for the past isn’t healthy or helpful because…well, we cannot change anything.
Shit happens. If we get something, it is often a combination of luck and our effort. No biggie. Nothing extraordinary. If we don’t, well, we just don’t, do we?