The dynamic between inferiority and superiority complexes has been on my mind for quite some time, but the book “the courage of being disliked” articulates it better than I ever could. I cannot recommend this book enough. It can be a life changer. Read it if you have time and want to have a better life.
Everyone has the feeling of inferiority, one way or another. There is nothing wrong with it. It is desirable that one uses the feeling of inferiority to drive actions and growth. The inferiority complex refers to the blaming mindset. For instance, I was born in a poor family and uneducated. Therefore, I couldn’t succeed. This “cause and effect” mentality is detrimental to one’s mental health.
A long period of enduring the inferiority complex leads to a superiority complex or a fabricated/borrowed feeling of superiority. Specifically, one “borrows” superiority from using a luxury brand, being associated with a famous person or boasting one’s achievements. Other examples can be using jargon or big empty words. The book quoted Alfred Adler, a philosopher whose credit seems to be less than what he deserved: “The one who boasts does so only out of a feeling of inferiority”.
I used to fill the hole of my inferiority complex with a superiority complex in the past. I, for sure, still do to some extent nowadays. Fortunately, I have tried very hard and consciously to use my feeling of inferiority to drive my personal growth and avoid living on someone’s value systems or borrowed superiority. I have made an effort to play down whatever I do, keep the low profile, keep my head down and just do my own things.
Unfortunately, it may be a bit tricky and difficult in a society drunk with superiority complex. In the past not so long ago, my friend recommended me to apply for a position in her team because she knows what I can do and that the company can be a good fit for me. I sent my resume. My friend, after two weeks, came back and was mad at me. She said that the hiring manager in her team would want to see me boast more on what I had done and that I needed to make the resume longer with more boastful statements.
One incident doesn’t represent the majority, but it would be naïve to think that it is not common. It makes the task of balancing it out tricky. There is no hard-and-fast rule on this. But I think it’s important that we are aware of these complexes and the practical consequences.
Minh Quang Duong 